Friday's Forgotten Commandment

Thou shalt not follow me on Twitter for the mere purpose of getting me to follow thee, then cease following me because thou thinks that I wilt not notice that thou has stopped following me and wilt continue to follow thee regardless, for thou art wrong, and this is a sure way to entice my wrath. Also, thou art a loser and thou shouldst be surprised that no one likes thee, not even thy mother.

OMMe! Now I Get It!

I can't believe it took me so long to figure it out.

MOSES IS HARRY POTTER!

Okay, let me back up. Somebody just twittered this link which shows how the first Harry Potter movie is just like the first Star Wars movie. And it got me thinking. What other stories are like Harry Potter? Then it struck me! Moses!

Think about it. Both of their mothers saved them from somebody trying to kill them as babies. They were both put in baskets and raised in a family that already had a son about their age. They were both told by huge dudes with awesome beards (though mine is way thicker and fluffier than Hagrid's) that they were destined to be something more. Both of them then left their adopted families to be with people like them. They both wore robes. They both got magic sticks that made all sorts of cool stuff happen. They both did crazy stuff with snakes. They both ended up saving everybody from an evil villain who used a fancy title instead of his real name.

The similarities are uncanny! No wonder Moses thinks he's so cool.

Stuff You Should Thank Me For

• French fried onions
• Shelves
• Scotch tape
• Electricity
• Gossip Girl
• Artificial wood
• Non-artificial wood
• Philippe Petit
• Canned air
• Rollie Polies
• Keys
• Freido Pinto
• Super Mario Bros. 2
• Sporks
• Fishbowls
• Hinges
• Anderson Cooper
• Antidisestablishmentarianism
• Termites
• Green

Boooooring!

The Missus just used her Jedi mind tricks to get the remote away from me tonight and she made me watch some guy babble on and on and on about healthcare reform and economy and blah, blah, blah.

He kind of looked like that guy that was running for President of America against John McCain.

It was the longest, most boring hour of all eternity.  But at least it's over now, so I can go back to watching Gilmore Girls reruns.  Oh, that Lorelai!  How I love her!

Today's Forgivable Sin Is....

... egging someone on until they insult you, just so you can throw your 10am cocktail in their face like they do on your favorite daytime soap.

Want To Hear My All-Time Favorite Joke?

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, a dyslexic, and an agnostic?

Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.

Meg Ryan Walks Like A Duck

I'm just saying what everybody else is thinking.  Trust me.

Meg Ryan aside, I love celebrities.  I have a subscription to 'People' magazine, and finding it in my mailbox is the highlight of my week.  Celebrities are just so much more interesting than the rest of you.  And better looking.

Plus, I really like how it keeps me feeling informed about the goings-on around the world.  Catching up on the latest couples' gossip, fashion flubs, and baby bumps gives me an overwhelming sense of pride about this world I created.  Nothing can be all that bad as long as these beautiful people are getting hooked up, dressed up, and knocked up.

It's just so much FUN to watch rich people do naughty things!

That's why I'm so excited that the Oscars are tonight!  And, really, it doesn't matter who wins or loses.  It's all about how they fill out that Oscar de la Renta.  I did a little omniscing to see what everybody would wear on the red carpet tonight and caught a glimpse of Freida Pinto.... OMMe.  Every time I look at her I think, "Man, I done GOOOOOOOOOD..."