March 17, 2009

Saint Patrick Hates Saint Patrick's Day

Most of you have heard the legend that Saint Patrick banished all the snakes from Ireland. This is false. Very false.

In fact, Patty is completely terrified of snakes. We don't have snakes up here in Heaven, but every year on Saint Patrick's Day, I have Satan send some up so Pete and I can hide them all over Patty's office. It's his own fault - he could have nipped that rumor in the bud while he was still alive, but he thought the whole Conquerer of Evil Snakes angle made him seem fearĂșil.

It's hilarious! He knows it's coming, because we do it every year, but it still totally freaks him out! Sometimes he tries to avoid it by calling in to take a personal day, but I make him come in anyway. Sure, maybe it's abusing power, but what's the use of being God if you can't force anyone to squeal like a scared little girl for your own entertainment?


Aussie Therese said...

maybe you should give St. Patrick a break and put some gummi snakes in his office for him to eat.

Darius said...

Paddy showed a weakness and it was exploited like Gareth from 'the office' with his stapler in the jelly.