Little Known Fact

Despite popular belief, Satan and I have never played a game of chess.

We rock at Pictionary, though.

Little Known Fact

Julia Ormond and Juliette Binoche are actually the same person. Her real name is Abigail Hall.

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Little Known Fact

I don't like to write with black pens. They just make me feel sad. Black ink is so dark and depressing. It's, like, "Hey, look at me! I'm all black and inky." It just puts me in a foul mood.

I only use brightly colored pens. Green pens, purple pens, blue pens, glow-in-the-dark pens, glitter pens... In fact, there is only one black pen in all of Heaven, and I only use it to sign smiting orders.

Little Known Fact

Angels don't really play harps. I mean, sure, some of them do. But it's not as common as you people think. We have all sorts of musical instruments up here. Some angels play trumpets, others play bagpipes, others play xylophones. Harpists are definitely a minority. In fact, the Heavenly Harpists band is only about half the size of the Krazy Kazooing Kherubs.

Little Known Fact

Most people do not realize that even though I'm God, there are still certain Rules of the Universe that I have to follow. I can't just make whatever I want to happen, happen, if it goes against these Rules. It's a nuisance, yes, but it's also what keeps the Earth from barrelling headlong into the Omega B12 Galaxy (full of toxic gasses but packed with nutrition!).

For example, I found out today that this year I'm contractually obliged to give those of you in the U.S. of A. six more weeks of winter, because Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow. So don't blame me!

Little Known Fact

Most of you know that the Pearlies are not actually made out of pearls. But I bet you didn't know that there is a teeny tiny inscription on the gate that says, "If you can read this sign, you're standing too close!" And that if you stand there trying to read it, Pete will sneak up behind you and give you a wet willie.