April 20, 2009

25 Things About Me

1. My sandals are size 14.5 US (49 EU).

2. I have three pictures on my desk at work. One is of the Missus, one is of me with Bandit and Pete, and one is of the look Moses' face from that time he came to work and realized too late that the memo I'd sent out the day before requiring everyone to shave their beards was a joke. Classic!

3. My top five all-time favorite movies are Sleepless in Seattle, What About Bob?, Goonies, The Hudsucker Proxy, and Die Hard.

4. My thumbs and my big toes are all double-jointed.

5. I think that if I couldn't be God anymore, I'd really like to be Burt Reynolds.

6. I'm a sucker for Chinese food. That's part of the reason why I made so many Chinese people - there's always someone up here who can whip me up some shrimp lo mein at a moment's notice!

7. Without a doubt, my favorite chore to do is fluffing the clouds. I love to just kind of stick my hands in there and go to work, forgetting all my troubles and just letting my thoughts wander. There's just something kind of therapeutic about it, don't you think?

8. Yeah, about the whole 'global warming' thing... don't tell Al Gore this, it would crush him, but the truth is I've just never had much of a green thumb.

9. The Creation that I'm most proud of is the rhinoceros.

10. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who understands that the Universe is in a very delicate balance. Sure, I'd like to just get rid of spiders, or go back in time and never create them in the first place, but I know that if I did that it would have altered the fabric of the Universe to the point that you guys would be riding to work on the back of giant winged worms. And that's creepy.

11. Very few things bring me as much joy as watching little kids hip-hop dancing.

12. My favorite ice cream is Rocky Road.

13. Once, years ago, the Missus decided to change her hairstyle. I knew she had done it, of course. I know everything. But I felt like I wouldn't be living up to her expectations of a husband if I mentioned it right away. So I waited a few weeks and then said, "Did you do something different to your hair?" She acted like she was annoyed with me, but really she was relieved that it took me so long, because only a the gay would notice a new haircut immediately.

14. Once I let Pete paint my toenails bright pink on a dare.

15. Every 50 years when a new class of cherubs graduate to full-fledged angels, I give the commencement address. I used to put a lot of time and thought into writing my speech, but I've gotten a bit lazy. I've given the exact same one for the last 187 graduation ceremonies. Nobody's noticed.

16. Even though I know everything, you guys still manage to amaze me every day. Mostly because every day millions of you eat hot dogs, which is simply amazing. And gross.

17. My hair and beard weren't always white. I'm a natural blonde, but I thought going white would make me look more distinguished and less like an unshaven surfer hippie.

18. Originally I only created Light, but then I had to create Dark to make it easier to hide from Chuck Norris.

19. There's a Post-It on my bathroom mirror that says, "Smile Today!!!" It's been there for ages, and I don't think I'm wrong to credit my cheerful disposition to that helpful little reminder.

20. I have hidden Moses' staff from him 23,687 times, and it's still just as funny as it's ever been.

21. Sometimes I miss the days when it was just Adam and me.

22. One of Pete's and my favorite games is a little something we call "Reset Button". Basically, we pretend to wipe out the entire human race, but we take turns and pick 10 people each that we'd want to restart civilization. I try to choose different combinations of people every time, but Pete's first pick is always Will Smith.

23. I lost my letter opener, so until I find it I'm using the Flaming Sword that guards the eastern gate of Eden. So I'm trusting you guys not to go near the Tree, alright?

24. My beard is awesome.

25. Despite my infinite knowledge and wisdom, I will never understand why human men insist on wearing pants. Trust me, guys, when you get up to Heaven and start rocking these uber-comfortable robes we have up here, you're all going to kick yourselves for not being cross-dressers while you were alive.


Red Shoe Artist said...

Your blog should come with a warning - never sip on your morning coffee whilst reading, choking may occur. Too funny

Miss Thystle said...

LOL@18. I KNEW it!

Angie said...

I love the way you torment Moses. It's awesome.

Tiffany said...

I knew He had to be like this!

Darius said...

Great choice in films God, particularly Goonies!

Fia said...

Kilts: Proof that Scottishness is next to Godliness.

nollyposh said...

Lol i love you your godliness ... i always knew in my heart that the true God would have a silly sense of humor... i mean then everything just makes sense doesn't it
but why do you keep switching off my shift button... That's not fuNNy that's just damn annoying