June 22, 2009

At Least It's A Tradition

Every year, Jesus and I have a bit of a row on Father's Day. Yesterday was no exception. He never gets me a Father's Day present, because (as he puts it) I'm God so I can miracle myself anything I want anytime I want it, and I'd know what he was going to give me anyway and that takes all the fun out of it.

I always rebut by explaining to him that those are moot points, because the real purpose of Father's Day is not because dads want stuff, it's because they want some indication that their children appreciate everything they do for them.

Then he says that I know everything, so I already know how much he appreciates me, and I say that even though I know it, it's still nice to hear it every once in a while. Then he says "I appreciate you," and I say "You couldn't have told me that with slippers?" And he says I'm contradicting myself, rolls his eyes, and walks away.

We go through this every single year. But it's okay, because I know that 84 years from now he's going to relent and give me a beard maintenance kit for Father's Day, and when he does I'll whip out the identical one that I'd miracled myself the day before and say "I wanted slippers."

3 comments:

j.marie said...

haha poor Jesus. He can't do anything right...

Anonymous said...

I'm sure I'm not the first to suggest that the two of you should go to family counseling.

Anonymous said...

Hey Big Fella, were You goshing with the 84 years from now bit? I mean, You don't really KNOW what's going to happen do You?

Unless there is a real lot of fun to be had in being bad, which there is sometimes, I try to choose good. But if You know for sure ahead of time what choice I will choose, can I choose anything other than what You already know? And if I can't really choose, can I really be choosing good?

Yeah, as You know I've been to a couple of churches asking about this very thing and they've been pretty worthless on the subject. And as You know I will go to a few more. And as You know I will never quite figure this one out, right?

Maybe since You're all powerful You've got the power to forget what You already know. Is that the solution?

ps. Is it a sin to not capitalize You when writing You referring to You? It's kind of a pain in the butt trying to remember.