October 23, 2009

It's Snow Day!!!

One of the things about Heaven is that it's perfect weather all the time. It's always 73° F (I will never understand why you guys on Earth are so happy with 72° - it's like being an eighth of a teaspoon short of the perfect amount of marinara sauce for the perfect meatball sub and eating it happily anyway), there are always just a few fluffy clouds in the sky, the sun is always warm but never too bright, and there's just a hint of a gentle breeze wafting by.

Ahhhhhh....

But there are certain Human traits that people retain when they come to Heaven. So, as it is their nature, people always complain about it being "too perfect."

Seriously, I know. But just wait, because you'll do it, too. It'll sneak up on you. You'll be enjoying a peaceful picnic in the Golden Fields and without even realizing it, the words, "It's too quiet" will escape your lips. And then you'll start looking around you and muttering how the all the gold is a little intensely gold, isn't it? And then later you'll be on one of the roller coasters and realize that it is precisely the right amount of thrilling.

The next thing you know you'll be in my office banging your fists on my desk, your face going through several lovely shades of red being settling on a nice mauve, screaming, "IS IT SO HARD TO TURN THE TEMPERATURE DOWN BY ONE LOUSY DEGREE?!"

Yes, you will. You think you won't, but you will.

So, throughout the year I like to remind everyone just how good they have it by having days of alternative weather. Rain Day is the third Thursday in March, Fog Day is always May 9, Heat Wave Day is the first Monday after the first Thursday after the first full moon in August. And today? Today is Snow Day.

Of course, it wouldn't be very effective if these were perfect versions of alternative weather. If Rain Day were just a pleasant drizzle instead of a re-creation of the Great Flood times about 16 thousand, then people wouldn't ever learn to appreciate the perfect weather the rest of the year. If people were still able to see the ends of their own noses on Fog Day, no one would say, "Okay, okay! I'm sorry, God! I'll never complain about the weather again!"

Snow Day is my favorite.

3 comments:

Nick the Geek said...

My recommendation is that you really mess with everyone by grouping them by geographic origin. People from Texas should have to endure a real blizzard while trying to drive. In Texas a single snow flake is enough to cause an 18 car pile up on I-35. People from up north don't mind snow at all. They look forward to it and brag that they never shut anything down even in 20 feet of snow. How do you make them appreciate good weather? Simple, give them Texas snow. Texas snow is useless for any winter activities. It makes mud but that's about it. People looking forward to snow say wil be gravely disappointed. They will have all their snow gear on and be going, "this isn't snow it's some kind of really cold slightly solid rain." That's messed up.

JML said...

Oh. My. Gosh. This feels very Mark Twain, as he always had a negative feel toward heaven. . . I like it. Also, it almost reinforces the notion of "the bad things (weather) help you appreciate the good better"

I hate winter, and I hate snow. Have you ever read Dante's "Inferno"? When you get to the center of hell, you find a grumpy devil who has to continually bat his wings so that they don't freeze up. Yep, Hell might be hot elsewhere, but once you get to the center, it's cold. Can you say "tootsie pop"? Thank you very much.

Amazing post.

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