January 14, 2009

Question Box!!!

What happened to the Mayans?

They all died. Not that big a mystery. Seriously? You get one question for the question box, and that's what you waste it on? Man, what a moron. Next!

Why do we have dreams?

Dreams started as a way for me to help my servants multi-task - they could talk to me and get their z's at the same time. I mean, you guys spend about a third of your day sleeping. That's valuable time that could be spent worshipping me! But that turned out to be kind of boring, and no one was really getting into it, so I thought if I spiced it up and made the dreams a bit more interesting more of you would want to worship me in your sleep. It kind of skewed off from there. Next!

When a caterpiller becomes a butterfly, is it still a caterpiller? Like, deep down, instead of having an inner child, does a butterfly have an inner caterpiller? Or does the caterpiller just cease to exist completely? I mean, the butterfly was always there because the caterpiller always had the potential to become a butterfly, but is the caterpiller always a part of the butterfly even after the transformation?

You spelled caterpillar wrong. Next!

If you sneeze, yawn, burp, and fart all at the same time, will you explode?

Into a bajillion pieces so small no one will ever find them again. What do you think happened to Amelia Earhart? Next!

Why do you say that cats are evil? I have {insert number here} cats, and they're all sweet as sugar! They're so cuddly and precious and they make me think of happy little rainbows and marshmallow creme.

That's because cats are astonishingly cunning evil creatures. Remember how Satan dressed up like a snake to tempt Eve? Originally he was going to go as a cat, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Even he wouldn't sink that low. That's right. Satan. Satan himself thought that appearing as a cat would make him look bad. Does that answer your question?

Can't wait to get to the Pearlies to ask God your question? Email him at godhasablog@gmail.com