September 2, 2009

God's Blog: The Place Where You May Or May Not Matter

As you know, I like to occasionally visit the Twitter. And if you also are on the Twitter, you know that there are approximately 637 billion "internet marketing gurus" on the Twitter who are more than happy to tell you how to use your website to make fake friends.

Usually I just ignore these guys, or send them a little computer virus if they really start to get on my nerves. But there's one thing that they all say which makes sense to me: if you really want people to visit your website, you have to disillusion them into believing that you give a hoot about what they think.

Well, that seems easy enough.

In the spirit of pretending to care, I'm going to hold a contest on this blog. An essay contest, to be exact. I want all of you to write an essay about what makes me awesome. Also, I will accept essays about why Moses sucks. Sound like fun? It gets even better! There will be prizes!

The winner will get to choose their prize from a grab bag that includes things like:

  • Eternal happiness!
  • The power to fly!
  • A Certificate of Achievement!
  • The key to unlocking cold fusion!
  • A slice of lemon meringue pie!
  • Respect!
  • A compilation CD of my Greatest Stand-Up Songwriting Comedy Hits!
  • The satisfaction of a job well-done!
  • A previously-owned car!

Doesn't that sound like something you'd really like to participate in? Also, doesn't it sound like something you want to tell all your friends and family about so that they can also participate and when you beat them you can rub it in their faces? Okay, so here are the rules of the contest.

  • All entries must be submitted to my email (godhasablog [at] gmail [dot] com) with the subject line "God's Blog Ultimate Audience Participation Awesome Essay Contest Spectacular!"
  • All entries must be between one and one million words in length.
  • All entries must be entered by midnight on September 9 (one week from today).
  • I will choose the top 5 entries and post them on the blog next week. Then the final winner will be chosen by popular vote by readers of this blog.
  • EVERY participant will get a prize for participating!
  • Superfluous bold text is encouraged!

Okay, so everybody send in your entries! Remember, your essay should either be about why I'm awesome or why Moses sucks. And even though I already know who's going to win, I promise to not let that affect my decision when choosing the top 5.


Miss Thystle said...

Dear God,

Could you please smite "Shelly Ryan" and "Britney f****ed vids"? Each is following me about 20 times and I've already blocked their other sham accounts at least that many times.

In return I promise to write "Moses SUCKS" on every bathroom wall I find.

Red Shoe Artist said...

Damn I always thought I procrastinate and cram everything in last minute, but this literally is last minute.. here in Australia it's literally 3 minutes to midnight on 09/09/09...I'd better hurry