August 18, 2009

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Yesterday I thought it would be a fun treat for Bandit if I took him for a visit to Dog Heaven. It's been a while since he's been properly sniffed.

Like always, there were a lot of people in Dog Heaven, visiting their old beloved pets. After a while, Bandit had had his full of fun and we decided to leave. As we were walking past the Pearly Fire Hydrant, we saw a couple of people trying to sneak their dogs back into Regular Heaven!

Well, that just won't do. There are rules about that. So I stopped them and confronted them about it. They mumbled something about how it was unfair that I got to keep Bandit in Heaven but I wouldn't let them keep Mr. Fluffikins. I explained to them that there's a perfectly good reason for it, and that reason is that Bandit is awesome and Mr. Fluffikins is not.

Today when I got to work I had 16,427 emails from people asking me to consider changing the Pet Heavens policy. Apparently the people I stopped yesterday had spread the word and started up petitions. I've been absolutely flooded with requests to reconsider, or to at least put it to a vote to see what everybody else wants. So now I have a big decision to make.

I tend to get kind of anxious about change. The last time I changed one of the laws in Heaven was nearly two hundred years ago, when I made it officially illegal to wear socks with sandals.


Marni said...

If you let dogs in, the freaks who owned ferrets and gerbils and pet rats and SNAKES and TARANTULAS will want the same privileges. Think about it...sir.

Good call on the socks and sandals rule. I don't want to put up with that for eternity. Good talking with you today!

Andrew said...

Hm... is there a heaven for tarantulas? I mean, snakes I could kind of understand, but tarantulas... are really freaky.

Regardless, maybe you should set up some kind of system in which the citizens of heaven obtain pet licenses that allow them special privileges pertaining to where and for how long they get to keep their pets in normal heaven. I don't know how they would get these licenses, maybe it should be based on how good they were in their previous existence.

Or you could just lay down the law. I mean, is heaven considered private property? Do you own heaven, or is it like a public facility funded by you? I guess EVERYTHING technically belongs to you, since you made everything; you could just tell the people that rules are rules, and if they don't like it the they are free to explore alternative living arrangements, like hell or purgatory.

However, I trust your judgment... you've always been fair and just in the past, especially regarding the legality of tacky footwear choices.

DogsAreNotPeople said...

Huh. I wouldn't have thought those crazy pet fanatics would have made it into Heaven in the first place.

rev;kenny ray said...

ah,amen.i guess?